I am sat here with a glass of wine thinking about what sweet treats are available in the kitchen cupboard. Should I have something or not?? Probably not as I am supposedly dieting, although what kind of diet I’m following I am not too sure. Just something that involves cutting out all the nice foods in a bid to lose that last bit of baby weight. However, I have been trying to embrace my post baby body a bit more as I think we spend too much time trying to lose weight and obsessing over what we eat and not enough time enjoying the little things. I read a good quote from a mother once about how our children don’t care what size we are: they love us unconditionally. I do also think though, that it is in our DNA to care about how we look and how others see us. I really wish I could be one of those strong minded people who really aren’t bothered by what other people think. But I am vain. So I will keep at this made up diet but maybe a bit more half heartedly.
The thing is after two pregnancies my body has been through a lot of changes and I have the stretch marks to prove it. Straight after giving birth to my first I hated my body and the way I looked. It took about eighteen months before I was happy with my size and then a year later I fell pregnant again. But this time I was more prepared. I knew that I could still exercise and keep up the healthy diet my husband and I had, without having to eat for two. You really don’t! And it paid off as I didn’t put on as much weight with my second and have lost the weight quicker (even though there is still some to go).
The time when I felt the most confident with my body, was when I was pregnant. I don’t mean the first few months of pregnancy where people aren’t sure if you are pregnant or you’ve just gone a bit overboard on the wine and cheese. I mean proper pregnant. Probably from around five months. I loved having my bump. I know that I was lucky because I carried both my children on the front like a stuck on tummy. I didn’t put much weight on else where (apart from my thighs which was a bit annoying but I never liked my legs anyway so can’t complain) and I had the “glow”. If you are reading this and you are in the early stages of pregnancy with your head down a loo, please don’t hate me for talking about the elusive “glow”. It does happen eventually, even if it is just for a very short period, once you get past the sickness, tiredness and general feelings of “I hate being pregnant, I’m never doing this again” stage. Like I say, for me this happened around the five month mark. My already thick hair became thicker, my nails stronger and my boobs bigger. Yay! Then I had my babies and everything went back to how they were (or worse than before in the case of my nails and boobs). I loved having a big tummy but there actually being a reason for it.
The second time around I embraced my pregnant body even more than the first time as I knew all the things I loved about it would soon be gone. I would of course have a lovely, beautiful baby in my arms to worry about instead but still…what I wouldn’t give for just one more day of stroking my tummy without looking like a weirdo.
Of course there is the less vain side of missing my bump and that is the growing of a human. A miracle growing inside of me. I miss the kicking and wriggling which starts as little flutterings then ends up being side kicks and somersaults. The scans, listening to the heartbeat and even labor (yes I am weird but it is all so exciting). So yes, I miss my bump for many reasons (vain and otherwise) but for now I shall go back to my glass of wine and think I may have a few of my son,s chocolate coins. It’s his fault I have weight to lose anyway.